This morning as I walked out the door to go to work, I took a moment to pause and just be in the moment. I heard the birds chirping - a sure sign that spring is just around the corner. I could smell the cleansing rain that had fallen overnight and made the earth fresh and new again. The air felt crisp and clean. I enjoyed the few seconds it took for me to walk to my car and just sat for a moment in my car before closing the door. Given the big adventure that will overtake our thoughts for next year (and more), I felt incredibly at peace. God has this handled - He knew this moment was coming - He knew what was in store for us - His hand has been in this all along. I could feel Him talking to me - telling me that it would work, this will work. We will have the family we have dreamed of and so much more - because of Him.
I haven't been ready to share the details of what we are about to embark on. I have been holding it oh so close to the vest. The reason for this is because of the loss we have suffered before when we lost our precious baby in January of 2007 - I was barely 5 weeks pregnant. I could never have gotten through it without God, my husband and our amazing friends and family. Since then, we have been actively trying (just about everything) to see those two pink lines. Now, it has come to the point where the "basic" infertility treatments have not been enough. The Clomid, the IUI's - nothing. IVF (actually ICSI in our case) is the journey we are on now.
We leave tomorrow to see our doctor in Texas (he's one of the best - for many reasons, the most important being his faith) for the blood tests, analysis and mock transfer (a test run - to see the lay of the land, if you will). I go back in April for two and half weeks for injections, every other day sonograms to see the development of my follicles, egg retrieval (at which point Chip will come for his part), the five day wait as the babies grow in their petri dish hotel, the egg transfer (when they transfer the best two babies) and the rest. We will have our blood test 11 days after the transfer - it will be positive. We will find out after our family vacation to Alaska how many babies are in the oven - two is our prayer. This will work - God has placed peace on my heart and I am giving all of my worries to him. I am not going to be anxious - I am going to enjoy this time and be thankful for the time with my family and friends in Texas.
Next December/January we will have two new additions to our family. Two precious, prayed and hoped for babies. They are already loved and God knows their every breath and every hair on their heads.
There - it is all out there now. This is a good thing - I never have been very good at keeping secrets about what's going on in my life. If our story helps even one person to understand the road we're on or to help them in the road they're on - then this blog has done more than I ever could have hoped for. It has helped me immensely. Say a prayer for us - we appreciate it and we know God hears every word.