Four Months In...

Momma - Seriously, you just took my picture at the doctor's office AFTER I got shots. This is the best smile you're going to get right now...(look closely at his right hand - hmmm...put that finger down young man)

Dear Hayden,

I am ready for time to stand still! You need to QUIT growing already - okay?!

• We went to Texas this month for Aaron and Alicia's wedding. Our Iowa friends got to meet you for the first time and MAN! You are a charmer and had everyone loving on you (even our friends who say they aren't baby people were in love with you).
• You are still such a snuggle bug! I love that you are a snuggler and I enjoy every moment of it. This means that dinner is normally pot luck and the house work and laundry pile up. Luckily, your Daddy and I are on the same page and we know the work stuff will always be there - you just keep insisting on growing...
• You are now 16 pounds and 25 inches long with a head circumference of 43 centimeters. You are in the 75th percentile and 100% perfect and healthy! The doctor even said what a perfectly awesome baby you are.
• The doctor said we could start you on food - we're going to try it this weekend and see how it goes. The pictures should be pretty funny I think since you are already eyeballing our food and tried to take a head dive into your Daddy's pasta the other night.
• You are pretty much in size 3 diapers - I am using up the remaining size 2 diapers and it is a tight squeeze. Thank goodness for elastic!
• You are in 3-6 month onesies and pants. I think you will be out of the 3-6 shirts soon...they are starting to get a bit snug.
• You are still in size 2 shoes (or 0-6 month Robeez since we normally put you in those for the sole purpose of keeping your socks on since you like to kick those off now - ha!).
• You had your SECOND ear infection - this time in your left ear (boo) - this made me sad, but you were fine. You were even nice enough to share it with me and I had a double ear infection. This happened two days before we left for Texas, thank goodness the antibiotics worked fast. Both of us did great on the flight (and Daddy came too which made it MUCH easier).
• You are SUCH a happy, smiling, laughing baby. Your gummy grins melts my heart. You have this special smile and laugh that you reserve for your Daddy and me only. I try to capture it on camera, but you refuse. I love that smile and laugh!
• You LOVE when we blow raspberries on your tummy and nom on your thighs and neck. I have to be careful though since you grab my hair when I do that. You laugh so loud!
• You also LOVE when we lift you over our head and do "Super Baby."
• You like to eat the feet of the monkeys on your bouncer and exercise mat. You have a lion that hangs from your car seat handle that you also like to chew on. Actually, you like to chew and suck on EVERYTHING! The doctor said you're not teething yet - it's just what you like to do.
• You do art at school - you were not a fan of finger painting at first, now you like it - as long as you can do it ALL BY YOURSELF. If your teachers try to help you, you get very upset. It's pretty precious. You like the construction paper art too - mainly because you like to try and eat the paper. Your teachers are also pretty in love with you. I love that!
• You played in an exersaucer for the first time on April 1st at Grandma and Grandpa Texas' house. You weren't so sure about it. We have a jumperoo at home that you played in for the first time on April 10th (we put a yoga mat under your feet) - you are starting to really like it! You lift up your legs or move on one leg like a flamingo and think you are so BIG!
• You like to be in the mix - you enjoy sitting in your bumbo and are a rock star at rolling from your front to your back and from your back to your side!
• You do NOT like to be ignored - you want us to play with you or talk to you. How can we resist? You are adorable!
• Your favorite activity is playing on your exercise mat. So much so that you have gotten up at 5:30 the last two mornings to play on it with your Daddy and watch ESPN. It's pretty cute!
• You always wake up in the BEST mood - which I love. You coo and laugh and smile. It's so funny when you smile at us with your BIG grin with your paci in your mouth or you will pop out your paci to smile at us. If you are not ready to sleep yet, you do this. Lately, you have been eating a TON so I think you are ready for food.
• You would rather be naked! You love when we get home from school and I take your pants off and you just kick and kick and kick like a little frog. You love diaper changes - well the part where you are naked.
• Last night you really loved the bath and splashed in it for the first time! You loved making a big watery mess!! We want to join somewhere with a pool and try that out to see what you think.
• You sat in the grass for the first time last night with your buddy Owen. You weren't quite sure about it...it could be that you were tired. Soon enough you will be digging in the dirt and eating it.
• You are VERY loved! We are going to Iowa next month for Tony & Michelle's wedding and for your christening. I don't think you will be sat down once while we are there. Save your early mornings for Iowa - your Grandpa is an early bird and will love being up with you. I bet he will tell you lots of stories. Grandma and Grandpa Frohling can't wait to see you in person - they already can't get enough of you on Skype!
• We took you to church for the first time in Pennsylvania. We went to the six o'clock service on Saturday night and that was much better. You got hungry during the service, but our church has a lounge area with a TV to watch the service, which was nice - and we met a nice Mommy who could see how in love with you I am.
• Your Daddy and I know that you are destined for great things and are so proud of you already. We will always support and love you!

Love,

Momma

Balancing Act

This smile - it melts my heart. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Being a WOHM is definitely a balancing act - and one that I don't feel very competent at. First off, I do have to say that my Work is being amazing and accommodating. They are allowing me to work through my lunch so I can leave earlier to pick up my lil' man from daycare and get home before his bedtime of 7:30 p.m. I can telecommute from home when he is sick. I am able to pump whenever I need to in the privacy of my office. Chip is definitely doing his part - he gets Hayden's bottles ready, helps with morning duty, encourages me to have me time and has pretty much taken over laundry and dinner duty so I can bond with Hayden (especially since Hayden cluster feeds at night). Hayden's school is amazing - his teachers really seem to love him (and I am NOT above sucking up - I mean, buying his teacher's little gifts to say how much I appreciate them) and I cherish the little notes they write on his daily reports.

STILL - I am struggling with something that I think every Mom (SAHM, WAHM, WOHM) struggles with - guilt. I feel guilt for working (and enjoying the feeling of accomplishment at work), guilt for taking time for me because that is time away from my family, guilt for Hayden getting sick due to the fact he is in daycare, guilt for feeling overwhelmed, guilt for not enough family time or being able to go watch Chip's games, guilt, guilt, guilt. Guilt for just about everything. The guilt then leads to stress. I tend to put myself down when I am stressed - to think I am "not enough." The situation that I am in now lends itself to a lot of that thinking - which is detrimental to my self esteem to say the least. I also tend to not ask for help - to try to do it all or to do too much. God is certainly using being a WOHM to sharpen me in that aspect. Simply put - I can't do it all. I HAVE to have help and I am luckier than a lot of women. We have a biweekly cleaning lady who helps with the laundry. I have a supportive Workplace. I have friends who are also WOHMs who encourage me with the fact that they somehow manage to do it all - with grace and a sufficiency that I lack. I have other friends who are SAHMs who don't judge me for working and are supportive. And yet...still the guilt remains.

I've been back at work for about a month. I know it will get easier. I am just struggling with so much right now. There is a balance - I just have to find the right one for our family and let go of my insecurities and guilt. I am going to a Beth Moore simulcast on that very topic Saturday - I think it will fill me up and help me. I am praying it will.

April 2010

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Oh Dear Hayden!

Dear sweet son,

what have you done?

You do not want to nurse -

Is this some kind of daycare curse?

You do not like my left side - could I ask you why?

Luckily, you only refused me once, but that one time made me cry.

You were a bit fussy and only wanted your Daddy.

Daddy read books to you to calm you down.

You like the voices he uses and when acts like a silly clown.

You must have known that Mommy needed some love from Daddy's mini-me,

so you decided to get up four times last night to feed.

Little one, I want you to know that four a.m. is not wake up time.

I rocked you to sleep, laid you in your monkey and then "RISE & SHINE!"

Out went the paci from your mouth and open went your eyes.

You looked up at me and smiled, cooed and help up your arms- you are wise!

I am not immune to your charms.

I picked you up, sang to you and laid in the guest bed with you in my arms.

You settled your sweet head on my chest, looked up at me with that gummy grin

and then...

We slept.