Being on Bed Rest

I knew when I got pregnant with the twins that bed rest might become a reality.  I preferred to stick my hand in the sand and pretend I could be uber-tough like my friend, Kathy, and not need to be on bed rest.  This didn't happen because my cervix thinned out and we needed those babies to stay in and cook! 

I felt incredibly guilty that I wasn't able to play with Hayden as much as he or I wanted.  I had to learn to work laying down and a shower became a five minute mini vacation.  It was NOT easy on Hayden, Chip or me.  I did learn one very valuable lesson through it all though... I learned to be on the receiving end of help. 

I am the first one to want to help others and find that it blesses me tenfold to do so.  Being on the receiving end?  NOT so easy!  I had to rely on our neighbors, who are Hayden's adopted uncles, to help take Hayden to school and back when Chip had meetings.  They brought food, company and sanity.  These two guys, Steve & Rob, well, they deserve a post all their own.  We adore them and could never thank them enough!  Rob's family has invited us into their home, brought us food, celebrated with us, prayed for us and has been a true Godsend.

I had several friends who came and brought me lunch, magazines, Sonic drinks and kept me sane.  Mary Ann, Chasity and Adrianne are so sweet.  When you're stuck looking at the walls in your living room and you can't cook, clean, nest, have watched every show on your DVR and read until yours eyes are sore - it's a welcome sight to have someone bring you your favorite sandwich or drink!  If you know someone on bed rest, just giving  them 15 minutes of your time and spending a dollar on their favorite drink will bring them much needed sanity and joy!  TRUST ME ON THIS!!

As any pregnant woman can attest, you have the urge to NEST and being on bed rest does not allow for this.  Praise the Lord for the aforementioned Kathy!  This girl drove all the way from Houston, dropped her own sweet twins off at her parents in DFW, stopped by Costco for a trunk full of frozen dinners to stock our freezer with and came to save the day!  She stayed for several days and helped make the twins room a bright & cheery place.  Hayden is IN LOVE with her, so he was super excited to have "his Kappy" all to himself for a few days.  We go to catch  up, hang out and I felt so much more normal just by having her around to make me laugh and give me much needed twin advice.

Besides super friends, our family just plain rocks (and yes, I know just how lucky I am)!  My in-laws and my parents, as well as Nicole (our super sweet cousin who lives too far away in Stillwater), helped too!  They assisted in putting furniture together, spending quality time with Hayden, helping me organize (okay, doing  the organizing while I watched) and were just above and beyond awesome!!

I just want to put it all out there that bed rest can make you feel like your going batty.  If you are on bed rest, I want to give you hope!  My friend, Ryan, sent me a how to crochet set (that I'm still working on figuring out how to do, maybe when the twins are 10 - ha) out of the blue.  I had people Facebook me and message me words of encouragement.  Just know that the end result is so worth it!  Every day those babies are IN your belly is three less days of NICU time.  Knowing that fact helped me "power through."  Ask for friends to come to you.  Most people want to help, they just don't know how!  Allow them to bless you!!

If you know someone on bed rest, bring them magazines, a drink, talk with them about YOUR life.  Give them a call or a quick text to tell them they're awesome.  Stop by and do a quick load of laundry or bring them some food or groceries.  If they have a child, take them for an hour or two to the park or play ball in the backyard.  Every little thing helps and is appreciated more than you'll know.

To all of our sweet friends and family - you helped Dawson and Ansley grow and helped Hayden feel extra special.  Thank you will never be enough... I hope the sincerity and gratitude I'm trying to convey  through this post shines through!   

I'd Do It All Again

"For this boy (these children) I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him. 28"So I have also dedicated him to the LORD; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there."  1 Samuel 1:27-28

These two verses sum up so much in 44 words... Years of trying to conceive the old fashioned way, fertility drugs, doctor visits, cross-country flights, tears, laughter, heartbreak, happiness and, through it all, SO MUCH prayer.  Chip and I have been blessed with three amazing miracles.  I have hopes and dreams for them, like any parent.  However, there are two things that are important above all else - I want my children to love Jesus and I want them to be kind.  Everything else they accomplish (and I know God has great plans for them) is a bonus.  I want them to sign the Lord's praises and to be a testament to His glory.  I want them to seek out the shy child, to stand up for what is right (even when it's not the "cool thing" to do). 

I have to be honest with you.  Getting (and staying) pregnant and birthing my children was NOT easy.  With Hayden, I was so, so sick every morning until I was over halfway through the pregnancy.  He tried to arrive early several times.  I ended up having an induction and, after 12+ hours of labor, an emergency c-section.  I only dilated to an eight and he was transverse and stuck on my hipbone.  If I had had him back before c-sections, neither one of us would have made it.  Every struggle I went through from conception to delivery melted away the instant I heard his cry and saw him!  At three and a half, he still has a way of surprising me on a daily basis.  His love for all sports is undeniable.  He has the best sense of humor and such a kind and helpful heart.  Don't tell anyone, but he's my favorite.

With Dawson and Ansley, I expected to be sick, but not THAT sick.  I was sick morning, noon and night with them until I was 25 weeks pregnant.  I had to get outpatient IV therapy two times a week and wear a special band (along with taking medication) to keep from throwing up constantly.  I was laid off from my job at six and a half months pregnant (the day after I received a glowing review).  I was put on bed rest at 29 weeks and received two steroid shots to help grow the babies lungs.  The babies just kept trying to come early.  I ended up in the hospital to stop labor with the use of a magnesium drip at 32 weeks.  I left after a few days and then went BACK, this time for preeclampsia, three days after I left.  Even with medication, my blood pressure kept going up and I ended up having them at 33 weeks and 5 days gestation.  The doctor moved the c-section up by two hours and Chip almost missed it.  I was in the OR and they were starting my spinal tap when Chip came in.  It was that close.  My sweet friend, Chasity, almost had to stand in for him. 

After their birth, the babies were immediately sent to the NICU where they stayed for two weeks.  At the time, it felt like an eternity.  Having an older child at home and two babies in NICU, while trying to pump, work and not lose your sanity is something I only accomplished by the grace of God, my sweet husband and in-laws, along with some very amazing friends.  The work served as a distraction.  I have never felt pulled in so many different directions.  I wanted to spend every second with Dawson and Ansley, but Hayden needed us too and I wanted to spend every second with him.  Luckily, our NICU allowed siblings and is one of the very best in the state.  While they were in the NICU, I learned about CPAPs, PICC lines, baby IVs, bilirubin lights, touch times, rooming in, scary phone calls and having to make split second decisions, pumping, syringes of food, how to feed a preemie, tiny diapers, monitors, adjusted age and how to "brown nose" a nurse (sweets) and the thrill of passing a car seat test.  I had never been so excited to change a diaper, to feed my own baby, to nurse for the first time (in the NICU, babies do feeding tube, bottle and then boob), to take my child's temperature, to give them a sponge bath, to put clothes on them, to learn to hold them with wires coming out of everywhere,  to holding them with no wires.  I have had my heart drop when learning our daughter's stats had dropped to a dangerous level and, come to find out, she had reflux and only needed to be elevated to make everything okay.  I received a phone call in the middle of the night letting me know that she had to go back on CPAP.  I learned no one ever told our son that he was a preemie and that he and his sister were both fighters from the beginning.  I discovered I was stronger than I ever thought possible and I learned how to survive on very minimal sleep.  I learned who our true friends are - I learned about the kindness of strangers and how amazing Facebook can be.  People who I didn't really know that well reached out to us and surrounded our babies in prayer.  Those prayers saved their lives.  Dawson has such a sweet smile and infectious giggle. He is a determined little guy. Ansley has the calmest disposition, loves her thumb and has a heart-melting dimple. Don't tell anyone, but they're my favorites.

I now have two precious, feisty, amazing five month olds and a three and half year old who loves them SO much!  My heart grew three times bigger.  My job now is to raise them to love the Lord and to cover them in prayer.  That I can do and I do it constantly.  Our children are miracles and no, the pregnancies, births and after was not easy.  God gave me an attitude of gratitude and carried us through.  And you know what?  I'd do it all over again...

Creating a Family

There are SO many ways to create a family - from "the old fashioned way," to adoption, blended families or, as is the case with us, through fertility treatments such as IVF (in vitro fertilization) or FET (frozen embryo transfer).  There is no right or wrong way.  Everyone's story is different and, I believe, the plan that God had for them.  Given our long road with struggles and, ultimately, three amazing blessings, I want God to use me and our story to encourage and offer hope to others.  To do that, I have to be open and honest...

With Hayden, they transferred two embryos and he "stuck."  I believe his sibling is in Heaven being rocked by my Grandma Water, along with the other babies that I miscarried.  We had four frozen embryos left to use to complete our family.  When we decided that it was time to expand our family, I thought that the lab would end up having to thaw all four to get two embryos that were viable for transfer.  We were VERY lucky in that the first two they thawed were viable.  They transferred them both and the result was Dawson (our precious boy) and Ansley (our sweet girl).  We were absolutely thrilled!  This left us with two frozen embryos.

Our yearly decision time with the embryos is April.  We decided to postpone our decision until after the twins were born.  After an eventful pregnancy and two miracles who came six weeks and two days early, but were (and are) healthy and home (that's another post), we received the notice from the doctor.  We had four options: store the embryos for later use by us, destroy them, donate them to research (for new lab doctors to "practice" on - they wouldn't let them grow or anything like that), or donate them to an anonymous couple so that they could create/complete their family.  We prayed and prayed about it.  It was either option one (us) or option four (another couple).  We knew our family was complete, however, I had a hard, hard time with option four.  I felt they were biologically our children (I believe life begins at conception) and all the lab would tell us is, after a year, if the donated embryos resulted in a successful pregnancy and a successful birth(s).  I looked at our miracles and how beautiful they are, how lucky we are.  Was this the right decision?  Was my crazy pregnancy and tough delivery, followed by a two week NICU stay, keeping me from making the "right" decision?  I prayed some more.  I asked God for clarity and peace.

When the twins were about three weeks old (home one week from the NICU), I was texting a friend and she was talking about their fertility struggles.  They were about to embark on IVF.  I thought about their journey with secondary infertility and another close friend who would have to use donor eggs (or donated embryos) due to her eggs not being viable from the chemo and radiation she received when battling (and beating) breast cancer.  I have prayed for these friends everyday.  I know how desperately they want to complete their families.  I know firsthand the struggle of infertility and the roller coaster ride it is.  Then, my "ah ha" moment.  I would do ANYTHING for these two friends. I would do ANYTHING for any of my friends.  They have so much love to give and want nothing more than a child to give that love to.  All at once, I felt overwhelming peace.  There was a couple out there who needed our embryos.  Yes, they were biologically ours, however, they were also growing in the heart of someone else.  I had to trust God.  He wanted us to donate them. 

The next morning, I called  the lab and told  them our plans.  The doctor told me that they were seven day freezes (that means that they fertilized and were frozen as seven day old embryos).  They don't even do seven day freezes any longer.  The doctor told me that they were the best quality for seven day that she'd ever seen.  She also told me that the list was long of people who needed embryos to complete their family and it would be an enormous blessing to them.  This lab, these doctors and nurses, they had been (and are) a blessing to US.  Their expertise and dedication allowed us our family.  I couldn't deny someone else the chance to have their own miracle. 

Chip and I filled out stacks and stacks of paperwork.  We had to get forms notarized, do special blood work and provide our medical history, along with that of our children, siblings, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.  And now... we wait.  Everything has been signed, sealed and delivered.  It's in God's hands now.  We can call in a year and find out if it was a successful pregnancy and how many babies were delivered.  Honestly though, I think I already know what the answer will be...

What the FET?

We made the decision a few months ago to move forward with a FET (frozen embryo transfer).  It has been quite a journey for us emotionally and physically to get to this point.  We are AMAZINGLY blessed with our sweet miracle, however, we knew that our family is not yet complete.  Hayden has been asking for a baby sister and he just loves tiny ones.  We know he will be an amazing big brother!

We went to the doctor in April and started the process.  I had to have a minor surgery to get my body prepped and to do a mock transfer.  I started the medication (including daily shots) and the doctor appointments every other week to make sure that everything is on track.  My body is responding perfectly to the medication and we did the transfer this past Friday (August 24th).  We had four frozen embryos.  I was expecting that all four would need to be thawed to get two to be transferred.  God provided and the first two that they thawed came out perfectly and were able to be transferred.  This means we have two more frozen embryos left should we decide to grow our family further!  YAY!
I am now in the waiting part... the pregnancy test will be on Sunday (in TX at our doctor's office) with another one to follow on Tuesday (here in OK).  Two weeks after that, we will find out how many babies. 

We are praying and having faith in God's amazing miracles.  Boy or girl, one or two... we are ABUNDANTLY blessed!

Published!

It's official! I wrote and posted my first post for a website other than my own. Granted, my first post is not the most exciting; it's more informative. There will be more posts to come about my (our) personal TTC journey, which I truly hope will help others on that road.

My question for ya'll, as I start slowly turning my dream into a reality, is there anything about TTC you want to know about? Anything about TTC in general? About our journey? Please feel free to leave a comment or email me at luciafrohling [at] hotmail [dot] com. I really would like to hear from you!

Thank you for following me on this journey. A journey to turn my passion into a reality. A journey to make some major changes in my life. A journey to make myself the best possible wife and mom I can be. A journey to dream big!

The Next Step Forward

Faithfully God is providing ways for me to pursue my passion and make it a reality. He is showing me His ever-present love. I have said all along, and truly believe, that if what I write helps just one person, then I have fulfilled God's purpose for me.

Writing the last post was painfully hard. I had to open old wounds to show how He has made my mess into a wonderful miracle. I had several people email me privately to share their own stories because of what I wrote. The emails made me cry and think of the enormity of God and His love for each of us. These amazing stories, some of which are not yet finished, affirmed my purpose and encouraged me to continue to be honest with my struggles.

God has opened two doors for me. One is a group at our church. I reached out to the leader of a small group called Our Hope. It is a group for people who have suffered loss through miscarriage, infertility, adoption and fostering. God hasn't worked out the details yet of what will happen with this, but I am 100% confident He will. This will be a way for me to reach out to believers and be a source of encouragement and love.

The other door is with the place that helped us conceive Hayden. We chose CARE carefully and after lots of prayer. I will be writing for their patient perspective blog. I am really excited about this opportunity to minister and help other couples who are going down or are on the IF road. I should have a post up for them very soon and I will post the link.

It's scary to step out of our comfort zones. I could very easily not ever mention anything about the struggle we went through to have Hayden. However, I would not be listening to my heart. When I look at the precious eight month old playing on the floor of our living room I think, "How could I NOT share this gift with others? " God is using me and our story to help others. He is using this to help me grow and become the secure woman He intends for me to be. This is giving me a chance to help others and is helping me tenfold in the process. I am so grateful to each of you for following me on this journey. I appreciate your comments, emails, prayers and support. Thank you!

Giving Christmas Eve a Whole New Meaning

I debated writing this post. Over and over in my head I composed and then deleted it. I worried about what people may think, what reaction I would get by really opening up. Something urged me on though. My heart is set on reaching out to others. To do so, I have to be real and I have to be me and show the good and the bad. So here goes...

Besides the obvious, Christmas Eve has a whole new meaning to me now. For the past decade, it has been a day that is filled with internal sadness and regret. Now, it is a day that is filled with hope and life and happiness.

A decade ago, Christmas Eve 1999, I miscarried for the very first time. I was young and didn't really have a relationship with Christ. My engagement to my high school sweetheart had ended and the last time we saw each other, well - I don't need to go into details. I didn't know I was pregnant until it was over. It was really sad and traumatic. I ended up having to have surgery. The doctor never told me why I miscarried. It would be been helpful to know. At the time, I didn't really think of that. I was upset but also felt a sense of relief. I wasn't ready to be a Mom, however, there was also no way I could ever end a pregnancy. I had disappointed myself and my family. They loved me and showed me unending grace. I never truly got to mourn that loss until much, much later. I still have the angel teddy bear my best friend and mom got for me after surgery to remind me of the precious baby that is in Heaven.

Fast forward to Christmas Eve 2006. Chip and I had been married for over a year and were actively trying to get pregnant. I had some female issues and suffered from endometriosis and some hormone issues. We were seeing a highly recommended Dallas-based fertility doctor. We were in Iowa celebrating the Holidays and I took a ovulation test. Go time. A few weeks later, I had my very first two pink line test. We were thrilled and told everyone immediately that we were pregnant. YEA! I read Guess How Much I Love You to the baby every night while sitting in my Grandma's rocker that I had been rocked in. I bought maternity clothes and a friend gifted me some of her old baby stuff. I was thinking about the nursery. Then, there was a snow storm. I was bleeding pretty badly. We went to the emergency room. We had miscarried. I had to do blood work to make sure it wasn't because of having a negative rH (it wasn't). More tests and heartache and then having to tell everyone that we had lost our baby. A friend gave me the book Mommy, Please Don't Cry: There are No Tears in Heaven. I mourned for the loss of this baby and the one I had lost seven years before. At least now my two precious angels had each other, I could picture my Grandma Water holding and rocking them as they nestled in her lap. I felt so lost. Did I deserve to be a Mom? God carried me through this tough time. My heart healed.

We took a break and saw more doctors. I got pregnant once more and miscarried very early in the pregnancy. We went to a really good doctor. We tried IUI three times with no success. We moved to Pennsylvania. We decided to try IVF. I went back to Texas for this. I had a peace in my heart. We got pregnant and they gave me progesterone supplements so I would stay pregnant. Hayden was a sticky baby. He grew and grew. He was healthy. I was induced on December 22, 2009. We left the hospital with our precious gift on the afternoon of Christmas Eve, 2009. God turned my mess into the most precious miracle. He wrote my story and wants me to use it to help others. I was such a mess for so long. Through the grace of God and the support of amazing friends, family, medical staff and a husband that will put most men to shame, I am a Mom. I was meant to be a Mom to Hayden. He is the baby boy we are supposed to raise. He is proof that God withholds no good thing to those who believe. Hayden gave Christmas Eve a whole new meaning and he helped completely heal my heart.

My hope and my prayer in writing this is that it gives you hope. God will turn your mess into a miracle. It's not an easy road. We're human and make mistakes. Jesus died on the cross for us. He shows us grace and extends us His mercy. The love He has for us is immeasurable. He's not done with us yet and our story, is truly a love story.