There Are No Sick Days

When my Mom was here at the beginning of the month she made me go to the doctor, as I had had a yucky cough for about a week.  I went and the diagnosis was bronchitis.  I was told to take some mucinex and rest.  HA!  I have three kids ages three and under - my definition of rest is a five minute shower. 

Over the course of the next two weeks, my cough got worse and I started having trouble breathing.  Enough trouble that I stopped running so I wouldn't end up passed out on the sidewalk.  Of course, I didn't go to the doctor. I  figured it was allergies and ignored it.  Chip made me go to the doctor again before he left for a work trip.  They sent me for an x-ray and.... pneumonia.  Evidently, if you don't rest enough and take care of yourself, your lungs say forget this and you end up with pneumonia.  Two antibiotics and an inhaler, as well as orders for rest, with a follow up in a week.  OF COURSE, this happened when Chip was going out of town.  However, his sweet parents were coming down from Iowa to help with the kids. 

Since Dawson and Ansley weren't feeling very well either, I took them to the doctor and we found out that Dawson had yet ANOTHER ear infection (right ear this time) and Ansley a bad cold.  With all the sickness, we decided that Hayden would visit my parents in Texas for a weekend full of playing with cousins and way too much ice cream.  He loved every second of it and I'm not quite sure he wanted to come back to boring old mom.  :) 

I'm extremely thankful that my in-laws were here to help with the twins and I've learned that I (surprise!) am not the best at resting.  Judy had to literally tell me to go lie down.  Why is it that we as moms so rarely take time for ourselves?  When we do take a minute, it often rejuvenates us and makes us better.  Are you like me and the entire time you're taking time for yourself, you hear that little mom guilt voice making you worry about if everyone is okay?  Do you feel so much guilt about resting that you can't even take a nap?  We need to stop that!  Chip doesn't feel guilt about being away from the kids while he's at work or gone on a trip.  Why do I feel guilty I'm working at 10 at night and I ask him to keep an eye on the twins?  I shouldn't feel guilty that he takes the night shift while I get my first full night of sleep in six months, yet I do.

I need to get over this guilt.  I'm doing the best I can!  The enemy knows my weakness and attacks my vulnerability.  He can go sit on a tack (to paraphrase a church camp song).  God commands us to rest. 

"There remains therefore a Sabbath rest for the people of God. For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His. Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall through following the same example of disobedience."  Hebrews 4:9-11

I am praying now for God to calm my soul and to help me learn to rest.  I need it to be the best mom I can be, physically and emotionally.  No more guilt and anxiousness at the thought of resting and "letting" someone else take the reins for awhile.  So what if the laundry piles up,  So what if the dishes are not done?  So what if the house is messy?  As long as there are smiles on my three precious kids faces and I have a happy husband, the rest can be let go...  I'm off to go get some rest and make this stupid pneumonia go away!

You're Doing Wonderful!

Dear First Time Mom,

I know you are BEYOND exhausted and totally understand why sleep deprivation is an effective means of torture.  Just hang with me and read this... I promise it will give you some mental energy. 

I bet you didn't know that you could love someone so much, did you?  Maybe you had that instant connection or maybe it took you longer.  Either way, you're doing great and are an incredible Mom!

How is feeding going?  Maybe nursing comes easily for you or maybe it's a struggle.  Maybe you decided that formula is what's best for you because your milk didn't come in, the baby wouldn't latch, you just don't feel any desire to nurse, or whatever reason.  Either way, you're doing great and are an incredible Mom! 

Did you have a c-section?  I had to with both pregnancies.  Hayden's was after 12+ hours of labor (with pitocin and an epidural).  Did you have a natural birth?  Pain meds?  A water birth?  Either way, you're doing great and are an incredible Mom!

Are you already a pro at swaddling or does baby just not like it?  Do you believe in co-sleeping?  Sleeping with one hand on the baby's chest all night and your wrist (and hand) goes numb but you do it because that's the only way baby will sleep?  Maybe your baby sleeps all night or maybe only in one hour increments.  Either way, you're doing great and are an incredible Mom!

Do you have to go back to work?  Do you WANT to go back to work?  Do you feel guilt when you drop off your baby at daycare?  Here's a tissue and my shoulder - I've been there!  Do you feel guilt because you WANT and NEED to go back to work for your own mental health?  Either way, you're doing great and are an incredible Mom!

Are you able to stay home?  Is it everything  you wanted?  Is it a million times harder than you ever thought?  Do you feel lonely and isolated?  Are you having to stay home but want to work?  Either way, you're doing great and are an incredible Mom!

I want you to know - this is just the beginning of an amazing journey.  I've heard it said that the days are long, but the years are short.  It's true!  Everything about becoming a mom turns your world upside down.  For some, being a mom comes completely naturally.  For others, not so much.  Either way, you're doing great and are an incredible Mom!

There are "mommy wars" about everything... or at least it seems that way.  Not here.  You do what's best for you and your family!  Bottle or breast, co sleep or not, work or stay home, c-section or all natural... you know your baby best, you know your family best.  You've got this and you're doing a wonderful job!  Trust your gut.  Don't beat yourself up.  No Mom is perfect, but every Mom is the perfect Mommy for their child(ren).  I wish I had believed this when I was a first time Mom!  My son loves me and I love him.  I hated going back to work. I nursed him until 15 months and didn't get one full night's sleep during that time.  I felt I had to do everything.  I felt guilty about working.  I felt guilty every time he was sick.  I felt guilty if I went to get a pedicure or for a walk by myself. 

I'm doing things different this time around.  I ask for help.  I accept help. I work from home, but my kids still get sick - and that's okay.  I nursed for five months and am dang proud of it.  It's also awesome to see my husband (or mom, neighbor, friend) give the babies bottles and bond with them.  I go shopping without kids.  I run several times a week.  I play with my kids.  I know I'm showing them you have to work hard for a living.  I use disposables.  I tend to be overanxious about sickness and want to wrap my kids in a bubble with Germ X.  You know what?  It's okay that I'm that way.  I embrace my crazy!  More than that though, I pray over them every night.  I trust God and I know He's using them to sharpen me and soften me. 

You've got this!  Here's some virtual coffee and cinnamon rolls.  I'm here - I won't judge you.  I will support you.  That's what Moms do.  I'm blessed enough to be surrounded by awesome Moms - we all do things differently and we all support each other.  Trust me - you're doing wonderful! 

Being on Bed Rest

I knew when I got pregnant with the twins that bed rest might become a reality.  I preferred to stick my hand in the sand and pretend I could be uber-tough like my friend, Kathy, and not need to be on bed rest.  This didn't happen because my cervix thinned out and we needed those babies to stay in and cook! 

I felt incredibly guilty that I wasn't able to play with Hayden as much as he or I wanted.  I had to learn to work laying down and a shower became a five minute mini vacation.  It was NOT easy on Hayden, Chip or me.  I did learn one very valuable lesson through it all though... I learned to be on the receiving end of help. 

I am the first one to want to help others and find that it blesses me tenfold to do so.  Being on the receiving end?  NOT so easy!  I had to rely on our neighbors, who are Hayden's adopted uncles, to help take Hayden to school and back when Chip had meetings.  They brought food, company and sanity.  These two guys, Steve & Rob, well, they deserve a post all their own.  We adore them and could never thank them enough!  Rob's family has invited us into their home, brought us food, celebrated with us, prayed for us and has been a true Godsend.

I had several friends who came and brought me lunch, magazines, Sonic drinks and kept me sane.  Mary Ann, Chasity and Adrianne are so sweet.  When you're stuck looking at the walls in your living room and you can't cook, clean, nest, have watched every show on your DVR and read until yours eyes are sore - it's a welcome sight to have someone bring you your favorite sandwich or drink!  If you know someone on bed rest, just giving  them 15 minutes of your time and spending a dollar on their favorite drink will bring them much needed sanity and joy!  TRUST ME ON THIS!!

As any pregnant woman can attest, you have the urge to NEST and being on bed rest does not allow for this.  Praise the Lord for the aforementioned Kathy!  This girl drove all the way from Houston, dropped her own sweet twins off at her parents in DFW, stopped by Costco for a trunk full of frozen dinners to stock our freezer with and came to save the day!  She stayed for several days and helped make the twins room a bright & cheery place.  Hayden is IN LOVE with her, so he was super excited to have "his Kappy" all to himself for a few days.  We go to catch  up, hang out and I felt so much more normal just by having her around to make me laugh and give me much needed twin advice.

Besides super friends, our family just plain rocks (and yes, I know just how lucky I am)!  My in-laws and my parents, as well as Nicole (our super sweet cousin who lives too far away in Stillwater), helped too!  They assisted in putting furniture together, spending quality time with Hayden, helping me organize (okay, doing  the organizing while I watched) and were just above and beyond awesome!!

I just want to put it all out there that bed rest can make you feel like your going batty.  If you are on bed rest, I want to give you hope!  My friend, Ryan, sent me a how to crochet set (that I'm still working on figuring out how to do, maybe when the twins are 10 - ha) out of the blue.  I had people Facebook me and message me words of encouragement.  Just know that the end result is so worth it!  Every day those babies are IN your belly is three less days of NICU time.  Knowing that fact helped me "power through."  Ask for friends to come to you.  Most people want to help, they just don't know how!  Allow them to bless you!!

If you know someone on bed rest, bring them magazines, a drink, talk with them about YOUR life.  Give them a call or a quick text to tell them they're awesome.  Stop by and do a quick load of laundry or bring them some food or groceries.  If they have a child, take them for an hour or two to the park or play ball in the backyard.  Every little thing helps and is appreciated more than you'll know.

To all of our sweet friends and family - you helped Dawson and Ansley grow and helped Hayden feel extra special.  Thank you will never be enough... I hope the sincerity and gratitude I'm trying to convey  through this post shines through!   

Balancing Act

This smile - it melts my heart. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Being a WOHM is definitely a balancing act - and one that I don't feel very competent at. First off, I do have to say that my Work is being amazing and accommodating. They are allowing me to work through my lunch so I can leave earlier to pick up my lil' man from daycare and get home before his bedtime of 7:30 p.m. I can telecommute from home when he is sick. I am able to pump whenever I need to in the privacy of my office. Chip is definitely doing his part - he gets Hayden's bottles ready, helps with morning duty, encourages me to have me time and has pretty much taken over laundry and dinner duty so I can bond with Hayden (especially since Hayden cluster feeds at night). Hayden's school is amazing - his teachers really seem to love him (and I am NOT above sucking up - I mean, buying his teacher's little gifts to say how much I appreciate them) and I cherish the little notes they write on his daily reports.

STILL - I am struggling with something that I think every Mom (SAHM, WAHM, WOHM) struggles with - guilt. I feel guilt for working (and enjoying the feeling of accomplishment at work), guilt for taking time for me because that is time away from my family, guilt for Hayden getting sick due to the fact he is in daycare, guilt for feeling overwhelmed, guilt for not enough family time or being able to go watch Chip's games, guilt, guilt, guilt. Guilt for just about everything. The guilt then leads to stress. I tend to put myself down when I am stressed - to think I am "not enough." The situation that I am in now lends itself to a lot of that thinking - which is detrimental to my self esteem to say the least. I also tend to not ask for help - to try to do it all or to do too much. God is certainly using being a WOHM to sharpen me in that aspect. Simply put - I can't do it all. I HAVE to have help and I am luckier than a lot of women. We have a biweekly cleaning lady who helps with the laundry. I have a supportive Workplace. I have friends who are also WOHMs who encourage me with the fact that they somehow manage to do it all - with grace and a sufficiency that I lack. I have other friends who are SAHMs who don't judge me for working and are supportive. And yet...still the guilt remains.

I've been back at work for about a month. I know it will get easier. I am just struggling with so much right now. There is a balance - I just have to find the right one for our family and let go of my insecurities and guilt. I am going to a Beth Moore simulcast on that very topic Saturday - I think it will fill me up and help me. I am praying it will.